5 dubious reasons to hire me pt. 1

The list is what it purports to be.

1. I wear high socks, so when I wear shorts you may wonder if it's a style choice or if I struggle with deep vein thrombosis. This act of questioning is invigorating. I will not ruin the suspense.

2. I do not snore while working. This is because I do not sleep while working. My breathing in the workplace will be measured and unobstructed, and consume only the appropriate amount of oxygen.

3. I have a nagging fear about losing the plastic tips of my airpods in my ear canal. Rest assured that I won't be wearing them while I work. Unless of course I'm on a call, listening to music, or otherwise wearing my airpods.

4. There are some days I just don't mess around with smalltalk. Sure, it humanizes the working experience and builds community with your colleagues, but sometimes you need me to just lock in, shut up, and create a list of 5 ways that vaping will revolutionize the car share economy.

5. If push comes to shove, and things are on the line, I'm able to resew a button on a shirt (if someone threads the needle for me).